Love and Respect in Marriage

Ephesians 5:33:

      However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. (Amplified version)

If a girl is raised to know she is loved by God and to love herself, not being loved will be foreign to her.  She probably won’t marry a man who doesn’t love her.  Along the same line, if a boy is raised to know he is respected by God and to respect himself, not being respected will be foreign to him. He probably won’t marry a girl who disrespects him.

However, a wife shouldn't depend on her husband to fill her love cup and a husband shouldn't depend on his wife to fill his respect cup.  Such expectations are way too much pressure to put upon one's spouse.  Our relationships are primarily with God.  A woman's love cup should always be full because she is so aware of the fullness of God's love for her.  The love her husband shows her is then an additional precious gift from him.  A man's respect cup should always be full because he is so aware of the fullness of God's respect for him.  The respect his wife shows him is then an additional precious gift from her.  Through their relationships with God, neither husband nor wife lack.

This has been one of the most freeing lessons I have learned about marriage.  My expectations of my husband were absurd. People love as well as they know how.  To know how I expected to be loved, my husband would have had to be able to read my mind.  Our confidence in God's love and respect for us frees both my husband and me to enjoy our relationship without condemnation from the other.

I love this life!