Boundaries

I was raised that boundaries equaled selfishness.  If someone wanted something I should give it.  If I was asked to do something, it would be rude to say no.  A nice person did what it took to satisfy everyone else. 

Have you heard the story of the lady's garden? 

A lady lived in a house on the corner of a busy street in a small town.  Between her house and the sidewalks she planted a garden.  She lovingly tended the garden but unexpected things began to happen.  

It was common practice among the townspeople to take a shortcut through her yard.  Although her garden was there, they would still walk through with no regard for her time and efforts.  She was surprised and hurt.  She had never known that the townspeople disliked her.  

Also, animals were getting into her garden and eating her vegetables.  She would catch them in the act sometimes and shoo them away, but they would just come back and eat more.  The lady had been happy living in the town for years, but as the garden she loved was trampled and eaten day after day, her hurt became anger and she decided to move.  

When the realtor asked her reason for moving, the lady burst into tears and related the story of her precious garden.  The realtor looked at the lady's garden, then looked at the lady and asked, "Have you considered enclosing your garden with a fence?  The townspeople are so used to walking through your yard, they probably didn't even notice when you began to consider it a garden.  I'm sure they didn't mean to hurt your feelings.  As for the animals, it is their nature to eat what they find.  Make sure the fence you choose is adequate to keep them out."

It's such a simple story.  Yet when I heard it, multiple light bulbs went on in my brain.  I had been that lady for years.  I thought people were taking advantage of me when they probably didn't have a clue.  And I had never recognized that some people are naturally takers.  I had wondered for years why people were so mean!

I felt empowered!  Whenever someone asked me for something, I wanted to say, "No!" just because I could.  However, going from one extreme to the other was not the answer.  Since I was never taught there were such things as healthy boundaries I didn't know what they looked like.  I needed help. 

Thank God the Holy Spirit is our teacher.  He provides wisdom and guidance for everything I will ever encounter.  I need only ask.

I love this life!

 — Just heard a great podcast on boundaries - The Art of Self-Control by Danny Silk.  Check it out and share it with others:    http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/art-self-control-by-danny/id508515736?i=111241121