Trust and Respect

I read a book about men wanting respect and women wanting love .  This idea is brought out in Ephesians 5:33 regarding marriage:

However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. (Amplified version)

It was no surprise that women want love, but to read that studies show men want respect over love…that was sobering to me.  I had loved but had I ever respected a man?

Argh.

My main struggle to respect was the shift from the old thinking of

You must earn my respect

to

I choose to give you respect.

I thought about what I had always heard – Respect must be earned.  But earned how?  Exactly what and how much service or labor would it take to earn my respect?  As I pondered this question, I realized that to earn my concept of respect, one would have to read my mind and behave accordingly forevermore…

Double argh.

I had many conversations with God about this.  I’ve found that, for me, healthy relationship with anyone is dependent upon my relationship with God and discussing things with Him first.  A breakthrough came when I saw that I couldn’t respect because I couldn’t trust.   God showed me that it was His power on my behalf that I needed to trust first.  There is nothing that anyone can do to me that can overpower the protection and care of God.  Even if my worst fears were to come to pass, God’s love would still be working everything to my good.  What a relief!  All sorts of stressful weights disappear when one learns the freedom of trusting God!  I’m free to trust others because my ultimate trust is in God.  That was a huge paradigm shift.

Another breakthrough was realizing it’s because of God’s unconditional love that He chooses to trust and respect. That’s the kind of love that has been poured out in my heart by the Holy Spirit.*  Therefore, I have everything within me to trust and respect the people in my life.  My respect was never dependent on them, but dependent on my choice. 

 

Learning to trust and respect has truly transformed my relationships.

I love this life!

*Romans 5:5 (Amplified version)  “for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.”